72 Hours After, My Soul Was Shaken

I had to conjure up all ghosts of my past, to write this one. That's why it took me so long, to make up my mind. It's one of those memories my brain doesn't let me remember. Due to acute trauma, I suffer from Repressed Memory.

I was a school girl back then, after the Earthquake many children decided not to go to school, but I wasn't allowed to skip school. That day I didn't get any bus for school. So I decided to skip school because of obvious reason.

As soon as I was leaving for home, I saw a White Car coming towards Me, and it stopped in front of Me, inside it was a Man. It was Suzuki Mehran, and since that day, I hated that model of the Car.

The man asked me about where I was going, and he offered me a ride. As a child struggling financially, I was thrilled to ride in a car, and go to school, hoping people will ask me, who dropped me to school, was it my father? So, I sat with that complete stranger, God knows why, and immediately that Man, started fondling me, he touched me everywhere, I was SHOCKED!!

I kept saying STOP IT, PLEASE, he didn't. I even inquired his name, he said MUMTAZ, though I think completely fake, why would a criminal give me his name. I started screaming when he missed my school, and was taking to another route, so unknown to a child like me, who had never been out. 

Finally, I opened the car door and jumped, and fell so bad, and a passing man saw me, but he didn't stop to inquire anything. This is the dilemma of this nation. Back then there were no CCTV cameras. I hurt my ankles so bad and my arms. My bag was extremely heavy, I ran from that scene as fast as I could.

It was obvious, what he intended to do, when I got to school, I broke down in front of my teacher, she asked if my parents hadn't warn me about strangers, and at that point, I had no idea, what everybody was talking about. 

After that I became a different person, and everybody assumed, I was traumatized by the Earthquake. But I never spoke about this incident till this day. For quite a few days, my brain kept on repeating the trauma, over and over again. The flashbacks were so tormenting. I don't remember crying about it. A part of me died that day, after that day, my brain kept on attracting the same frequency of that incident, since then, I'd been harassed on various places, and those wounds kept on bleeding. And I kept on moving in that unless loop.

I went into survival mode, even though I was a brilliant student, my brain was so damaged after that, people started calling me a fool, and nobody knew the reason of my such low confidence and self esteem. All these incidents have taken a lot from me, all good things. If somebody ask me if I will forgive those individuals ? The answer is NO.

I no longer remember, what childhood is ought to be, I fear what will I teach my kids? Will I be a good mother? A child doesn't understand the trauma of mother, it absorbs it, and simply thinks, my Mother doesn't love Me. Those were the most difficult 72 hours of my life, and more so, I still live with those traumas, because they never left Me. 

Peace

Damsel in Distress